No, Honey, You Have to Stand Up When You Do That


I was raised in a household of women. I mention this only because men in many ways are a mystery to me, as I am sure women are for most men.

My lack of understanding came out yesterday when I was outside working on our raised beds, replanting some of the seed that the flooding rains washed away. Kitt looked at me and said, “Mommy, I have to pee.” Wondering when children stop telling their parents this, and then realizing that I still say the same thing to my coworkers, I nodded and told her to come back out when she was done.

She then began to pull down her pants in the middle of the backyard.

“What are you doing?!?” I screamed out at her, incredulous.

“Well, I want to pee in the grass.”

“Honey, there’s a perfectly good bathroom in the house. Please make use of it.”

“But I WANT TO PEE IN THE GRASS!”

“NO. INSIDE.”

She ran off towards the inside. A few minutes later she came jogging back towards me smiling.

“Did you go inside?”

“No. I went in the front.”

“Ugh, why did you do that? I told you to go inside.”

“Daddy taught me how.”

Of course he did. My first thought was of the DHS worker who was going to knock on my door because I obviously was not taking care of my 3 1/2-year-old daughter, my second was the memory of Xandy relating to me how he showed her how to pee in the barn.

“You know that she is not a boy right. She just can’t stand up and pee.” I had said to him at the time.

“She’s fine. She likes it!” He told me. I think I told him that no girl likes peeing all over herself because she is standing up straight, and he nodded and walked off like he usually does.

Now, a couple of years later, as I sat rocking on the front porch with my sister-in-law (whose idea it was for this post), I noticed that Kitt had pulled her pants down and was sitting in the grass on a hill in the front yard.

“What is she doing?” I asked my husband as he walked toward me.

“Peeing.”

“But she is sitting down in the grass!”

“Yeah well, she was having a tough time standing up so I told her to sit down.”

“HoNEY, that is NOT how girls pee outside. Seriously. She has to lean.”

He answered with a nod and a “It’s a work in progress.”

It sure is.

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6 Comments

June 20, 2013 · 6:59 AM

6 responses to “No, Honey, You Have to Stand Up When You Do That

  1. marie pineau

    I think I’m having a repressed memory about those darn boys and my childhood. Something about a boat too……….

  2. Judy Maillis

    Peeing outside (for a woman) is an art form. We have so many details to consider, such as making sure the ground we squat over has just the right amount of slope to safely carry the pee away…

  3. Katie Dunn

    awesome- it does take practice but she’ll get it!

  4. susan corcoran

    This made me laugh … and remember when my Fiona was little. She did not want to accept that she couldn’t stand like a boy to pee.
    She learned the essential tricks early about getting by in the woods and on a boat … and even at pre-school out in the boonies. Sometimes, they had to use a bucket with wood chips. Ha! I love your stories. 🙂 Susan (from class)

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